The road to hell is paved with good intentions.
—traditional proverb

This New Year’s Day I resolve not to resolve…Doh!
—me


Yep, that’s usually how my New Year’s resolutions go.  Barely have the words left my lips before I realize that I’ve already screwed up somehow.  Making New Year’s resolutions may be the single most self-defeating act contrived in history, the human equivalent of the lemming migration.  The time of year is just all wrong for resolution-making.  Who’s going to stick to a promise to cut down on chocolate consumption when there’s still half a box of Godiva truffles on the dining room table that your spouse gave you as a Christmas (Hanukah, Kwanzaa, whatever) gift so you couldn’t throw it out even if you wanted to?  Not me, or you.  The fact is, at no other time of year is your house as guaranteed to be chock full of things fattening, intoxicating, conducive to laziness and generally insalubrious as January 1.

We should be making resolutions on the first day of summer, when the only holidays in sight are Memorial Day and the 4^th of July, both of which (from a temptation standpoint) are nothing more than one-day barbeque extravaganzas, not neverending holiday “seasons” in which your waistline increases in direct corresondence to the date of the month.  Besides, it seems to me that the desire to cut a svelte figure in a sexy swimsuit made from 1/8 of a yard of see-through fabric may provide a little more incentive to cut down on fats and sweets than any worries about concealing your expanding gut in a Michelin Man snowsuit in January.

But I can’t change tradition or the course of history.  Now is the time to make resolutions.  Personally, I think that starting off a new year with an act guaranteed to remind me how deficient I am is counter-productive.  So, instead of making some futile pact with myself to fit into my high school gym shorts again (although I will keep them until the day I die, hopeful, ever hopeful), this year I decided to search for a resolution that would be reasonably meaningful yet easy to keep.

I tried to think of something on my own, but all that came to mind were things that fulfilled the latter requirement (easy to keep).  These were things like eat more carbs, sleep in more, and leave more household chores undone.  These resolutions are also meaningful, but if I’m honest, I have to admit that they’re meaningful only to me.  Plus, notice that all three include the word “more,” not the word “less.”  I figured that was probably a good clue that I was on the wrong track, and I realized that maybe I should start by looking at other people’s resolutions.

The first thing I came across was an article by a guy who started off speculating on why most men don’t like New Year’s resolutions.  By way of an answer, he gave this play-by-play of the male thought process on the topic:

1. Introspection—ugh!

2. If I need to make a resolution, I'm admitting that something isn't right.

3. Further, if I need to make a resolution, I'm admitting that not only is something wrong, but I'm obviously having trouble correcting it.

But he goes on to exhort men to give resolution-making a chance, and he specifically advocates resolving to improve one’s romantic relationship.  I began to think, okay, maybe that’s a good resolution for me to make.  Improving my romantic relationship didn’t sound too hard, and there are undeniable benefits in it for both my husband K— and me.  Meaningful, yet easy to keep.  It seemed to fit the bill.  I resolved…to read more.

The author listed the things a man could do to improve his romantic relationship:

I will pay her more attention.

He was writing for men, but I could follow the same advice.  K— likes being complimented on how he looks and thoughtful things he does.  I resolved…to do more of that.

I will start the new year right—with a gift!

Seems like sound advice.  What would my honey want?  I resolved…to get him something he would really enjoy.

I will remember dates and plan ahead.

No problem there.  Note to self: email this article to K—.

I will do something nice for no reason—like buy her jewelry.

Jewelry!  Red flags, red flags!  I read to the end and realized that the author was a jeweler hawking his wares.  The whole article was nothing more than a marketing campaign disguised as how-to-be-a-sensitive-male-from-one-guy-to-another advice, just a lead-in to a sales pitch!  What a turn-off!

In a huff, I turned to the next article.  It was a study that contrasted typical New Year’s resolutions of women and men.  What topped the list for guys in every age group was “get a better job.”  Well, no surprise there, I thought to myself.  Women, have you ever known a man who thought he was appreciated at work and adequately compensated?  Louis XIV, the Sun King, the absolute monarch of all France, probably thought to himself on New Year’s Day, “I’ve gotta find a better job.”  Except in French, of course.

I moved on to the resolutions women had made, and there I found what I was looking for.  It was so simple, so elegant: “be a better person.”  Fully a third of all women above age 35 (although none of the men—hmmm) had resolved to do some variation of this.  “Be a better person.”  “Be kinder to others.”  “Be nice.”

Reading the poll, I realized I’d found the resolution for me.  “Be a better person” sounds nice, but it’s suitably vague and hard to prove or disprove.  So, in 2005, I solemnly resolve to go a little easier on others, especially men in general and my hubby K— in particular; to cut everyone a little slack; to criticize less; to be, all in all, a better person—not like that weasel of a jewelry salesman trying to pass off his advertising as heartfelt relationship advice!  What a jerk!  I can’t believe I didn’t smell that coming a mile away.  After all, he is a guy.  He’s the one who needs to be a better pers…Doh!

Well, it looks like I'll be working on improving my romantic relationship. Happy New Year!