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One good turn deserves...
On my last birthday, my hus-band gave me a card featuring a joke revolving around birth-day candles and fire hoses. Consequently, I felt no guilt whatsoever giving him this card** on his 40th birthday:
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“If I had my life to live over, I’d probably still make the same mistakes…but I’d start a lot earlier!”
—from the comic strip Frank and Ernest by Bob Thaves*
The other day, my husband K— hit a milestone: he turned 40. Speaking as someone for whom turning 40 is a fading memory, I found it kind of interesting watching my spouse go through this particular turnstile on the road of life.
The thing about turning 40 is this: even if you don’t care about turning 40 before you turn 40, you just can’t help but get a little crazy when it actually happens. Before that fateful day, you’re thirtysomething. Afterward, you’re just waiting for the gravediggers to arrive. You figure there’s just no point in living by the rules any more. You want to cash in whatever you’ve got and blow it. I know this because I feel that way every single day.
Things with K— happened pretty predictably.
To understand his personal passage down the aging highway, you need to know a few seemingly unrelated things. First, K— was a big fan of the TV show Miami Vice, as were a lot of men his age. Second, recently I cleaned out our basement. One of the things I found in the basement was a bag of K—’s old clothes, including a pair of white linen pants dating from his days of Miami Vice fandom. K— specifically instructed me to take the bag to Goodwill. Third, if you recall from File 39, Men and Trucks, K— wants a BMW, so as a 40th birthday present I got him a 1:43 scale model of a 328xi coupe in metallic graphite, that being the only way I could afford to give him the car of his dreams. Fourth, K— just got his hair cut, and his hairdresser’s name is Valerie. The scene is now set.
On K—’s first full day of being fortysomething, I rented the movie Miami Vice for him as a little surprise because he’d really been wanting to see it. It’s not the sort of thing I go for, so he watched it by himself. Meanwhile, I sat down at the computer and plugged the words "he turned forty" into an online anagram generator. Among other results, I got these (followed by my own thoughts in parentheses):
Defer yon truth (if we could, we would)
Need fourth try (don't we all...)
Thy turf redone (possibly a reference to toupées?)
Refund ye troth (if you do, it'll be with interest, pal!)
Frothy denture (a prediction? I hope not!)
Render thy tofu (maybe dietary advice if the former anagram comes true?)
Needy for truth (that's what turning forty is all about, Alfie)
After I tired of the anagrams, I wandered over to see if K— was enjoying the movie. I came in during a scene in which Colin Farrell drives away from some sort of teary encounter with a femme fatale not in a Ferrari, but in a BMW. Even I know enough about Miami Vice to pick up on that. K— gave me a long, meaningful look—the sort of gaze that speaks of shifting paradigms and dawning realizations...or else stomach discomfort—and then I left again.
At the conclusion of the movie, K— came to tell me he was going out. I noticed that even though it had been a cloudy day and it was nearly dark, he had sunglasses perched on top of his head. “Where are you going?” I asked, puzzled. With cool nonchalance he flipped down the glasses, and in a determined voice he explained, “I’m going to Valerie’s to get my hair back. Then I’m going to get my BMW. But first, I need directions to Goodwill. And have you seen my Phil Collins CD?”
I smiled sympathetically and gave him the directions he needed. As I heard him pull out of the driveway, I reflected on his instant transition to my permanent state of mind. “Welcome, darlin’,” I thought, “to the second half…and more power to ya' if you can still fit into those white linen pants!”
* To see the cartoon, click here.
** Reprinted without any permission whatsoever, but I urge you to purchase many, many Hallmark cards, and I hope that keeps them from suing me.
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